mostnonheinous | Infopost: most precedential to the bandwagon

Hello my most excellent digital neighbors and friends! It is I, Bel A. Temple, BA, with my newest character, Wilhelmina! “Billie”! S.! Logan!

So you all have seen Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, right? You know, this movie:

Have you seen the sequel, Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey, where they get killed by their robot doubles from the future and end up recruiting Death-as-played-by-Kyle-Valenti’s-Dad to their band? You know; this movie?

Cool. Cool cool cool. Now how about the much delayed THIRD movie, Bill and Ted Face the Music?

Can’t say I am surprised. It’s this movie:

In it, Bill and Ted are washed up, middle-aged dads who have yet to manage to play the song that will bring the entire world together and are super stressed about it.

Luckily, the world includes daughters.

That’s right, while Bill and Ted bumble their way through their near future in a desperate last ditch attempt to, uh. Steal the song that brings the world together from their future selves, their daughters, Billie and Thea, join forces with Rufus’s daughter Kelly to gather famous historical musicians and get the band ready.

And end up, uh. Mixing the song that brings the world together. And restores stability to reality. Played in the center of all time and space: San Dimas, CA, 2020.

Turns out the prophecy that Bill and Ted do it got misinterpreted from the knowledge that “Preston/Logan” produced it. Whomp whomp. Prophecies, am I right?

(Just. Just ignore the fact that the “prophecy” was actually supposed to just be “intel from the future”. It's 700 years in the future. Do you think we can accurately say who actually did almost anything in 1325??)

Anyway. What’s a 20-something girl who has never dreamed of anything more than helping her Dad and Uncle Bill bring the world together AFTER the world has already been saved?

Get her master’s degree in musical history, obviously!

Fandom looks like the best spot, too. People come there from all over the multiverse! Which is like the universe, only with a tacit acknowledgment of multiversal theory. Which one cannot discount when one made one’s television debut 18 months before one was born.

Billie is the most laid back person many of you will ever meet. She knows what she’s here for — in fact, she has already done it. She knows that the future will turn out okay eventually because she has friends 700 years in the future and it has. Time travel is a wonderful, freeing thing when you are the daughter of a demigod of all time and space.

Oh yeah. I have a Theory about Bill and Ted. They can summon trash cans out of the ether. They instantly, intuitively worked out how to possess people after they died. They mugged Heaven-bound souls and then won a favor from God. They are very young, deeply stupid demigods. I cannot possibly be the first person to propose this theory.

Billie grew up hearing all about her family's adventures. She's had a few herself, zipping about through time recruiting Jimi Hendrix, Louis Armstrong, Wolfgang Mozart, Ling Lun, and Grom to join the Wyld Stallyns for the big concert. She's even been to Hell! She hopes Death didn't get demoted again for helping play the song that unites the universe and saves reality.

But that's her old adventure. Fandom is going to be a new adventure! She expects it to be most triumphant. Way better than Thea’s founding of that music conservatory on the site of that old Alaskan military school. (She does not resent or regret deciding that they needed to spend some time finding themselves as individuals to avoid their dads' fate of becoming aggressively codependent. Shut up. She knows that's for the best.

(The relationship counselor who got traumatized by having Washington dumped on her couch after hearing all about how Bill and Ted's wives are from the 16th century said so, after all. And why would she lie?)

ANYWHO. Questions? Comments? Air guitar?